I did a stupid thing. I offered to bring all the stuff to make banana splits for my D&D group. Naturally I got more than needed, so all that stuff came back home to me afterwards. I spent all weekend having Ice Cream around lunch time while my parents were away, and then in the evening for dessert.
I tried to count calories otherwise and remain under, and I did succeed on that one of the 3 days, but the others I went a fair amount over. I gained a couple pounds (297) and generally feel bad about it today. Especially since there is still ice cream left, and I will probably have some tonight as well.
But perhaps not.
I have grown, in that I don’t berate myself for my failures. I heave a heavy sigh of disappointment as I see the scale, but I don’t mentally abuse myself. Instead I vow to make up for it, to remain under my calorie goal from now on. I refuse to see a 3 in front of my weight every again, and I vow to someday see a 1 there instead.
Yesterday I purchased some LEDs for the inside of my computer. Purely for aesthetic reasons. And I moved it over to the right side of my monitor so I can see the inside when I am sitting at my desk.
I don’t entirely like it there because it sort of blocks off my crafting table. It doesn’t block my usable space on the table, but it is a little awkward. But I want to be able to see the window to the guts on the inside. Once I get the LEDs in, I’ll post some pictures.
My further failures this weekend were that I didn’t do any artwork, and I didn’t do any writing. I stayed up until 4 am playing D&D Friday, and then slept until 2 Saturday, and then watched an Indiana Jones marathon (all 4 movies) Saturday night until 3 am. Sunday I spent the entire day watching YouTube and then watched Doctor Who around lunch time with a big bowl of a ice cream and then watched Doctor Strange for the umpteenth time.
I would say I “enjoyed” myself. That is my struggle. If I was truly happy sitting here doing nothing but watching stuff, I’d be less bothered by it. I didn’t get the satisfaction I’d have gotten from completing some piece of artwork, or from finally starting to write a novel. If I had been able to say “I enjoyed myself” then I wouldn’t feel regret. And I know the difference. I enjoyed watching Doctor Who. And I also enjoyed watching the YouTube red series Mind Field, because I found it fascinating. I even enjoyed my Indiana Jones marathon.
But I didn’t enjoy Doctor Strange for the seventh or eighth time watching it, I didn’t really enjoy all the other random YouTube videos I watched for hours on end. I didn’t enjoy sleeping for 10 hours on Saturday. I didn’t not like it either. It was complete apathy and lethargy.
Whereas I do enjoy writing, and I do enjoy drawing, which is why I have so much confusion as to why I just sit and stare at the TV. What is stopping me?
Is it really as simple as I just need to make myself do it?
I think it’s time for another one of my experiments. One of my self-improvement challenges. I am going to see if I can force myself to do the things I claim to love, and if I enjoy doing them once I get over the initial hump of lethargy.
So, today is Monday. Every day this week, Monday through Sunday, I will attempt one artwork piece, and I will attempt to write something. I’ll share both on my blog at the end of the day as proof.
This is not a no technology no watching tv type of challenge. I can do either of these things while videos/shows are playing in the background.
I need to both write and draw each day.
I can’t do either of this things while I am at work. They need to be done in my own downtime when I would normally be sitting staring blankly at the computer.
The writing needs to be creative. It takes nothing for me to type a blog like this, I don’t really think or consider I just write. So it needs to be story brainstorming or story writing or something creative.
The artwork needs to follow the design concepts I’ve learned. Figure out what I want to draw, find some references, make some possible design sketches, fine tune what I want to draw, then draw it on a large page and ink/color it. (Or transfer it to my iPad for digital ink/color).
I think I want one of my drawings to be water colors because I want to try that again.
Tuesday will be difficult as I’ll have D&D. Friday I also have D&D but I’m a player and can sit there and doodle and work on my designs while I play. That is harder when DMing. So for Tuesday I may allow myself to do some of the design work on my lunch break at work, and some in the 2 hours before D&D, and then I may allow myself to finish it on Wednesday.
We’ll see how this goes.
I will probably write another blog at work, from boredom. And then a third for the challenge, so expect today to be busy. 🙂