What do I really want?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and that thinking hasn’t really supplied me with any answers. I keep going back and forth, like some internal game of ping-pong that just won’t end.

I am trying to reconcile within myself what I want, and what I want to want.

I’m not sure if that makes sense, let me try to explain (for myself more then you perhaps).  There is me, and then there is the me I want me to be. I, myself, enjoy sitting in front of my computer playing ESO. I enjoy watching TV. I enjoy eating ice cream.

The me I want to be can enjoy those things, but the me I want to be enjoys sculpting, writing and drawing more, and she eats healthy, and she goes outside, and she wants to build a tiny house that will run on solar power and dreams.

Don’t get me wrong, the real me wants to build a tiny house too! But the real me also wants her gaming rig in her tiny house, and a gaming rig can’t run on solar power. So the real me and the dreamer me are having fights over certain things.

The real me wants a house firmly on the grid, with running water, and power enough to run my gaming computer and a TV and a microwave and a washing machine.  The dream me wants a house that can travel up to Maine and back each year, that is small and light and mobile and easily towed.  The two of me in my head are not getting along. They’re having a fistfight over it.

So I need to take some time, and rework my ideas of what I can compromise on, what I can sacrifice, and what I really must have.

But my first thought is… Solar Power isn’t going to cut it for me. Which means I’ll have to park my tiny house somewhere where I can plug it in to electricity. Which then means that I’d probably have access to water and sewer.

I’m also starting to think that the really really tiny house I sketched out, 16′ with just one floor, is going to be too small. I’d kind of like a drafting table built into the wall. Something that I can angle down for drawing, or put flat for sculpting. And maybe have it situated in a corner, with my computer desk on the other side, maybe with my monitor mounted to the wall.

But now we are getting into the realm of bigger, which means heavier, which means harder to tow.  I do know that I don’t want to go any bigger than the Tiny House Giant Journey house, which is 20′ long, 13.5′ high and weighs 10,100 pounds.  I am nervous of being so tall, I don’t want to catch low powerlines or bridges, but I think that is a fear I just need to get over, because I’ll never get enough space without a sleeping loft.

I’m going to take some time to sketch out a few more designs than the one I’ve posted. Consider other options for my tiny house, ones that include the things I want, and see where that leads.  I think it’s going to take time for me to get the real me and the dreamer me to coincide.


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